Author Topic: Metallifun  (Read 761 times)

poop87

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Metallifun
« on: July 30, 2012, 05:54:22 PM »
This is the Story of a Band called METALLICA

ONE PHANTOM LORD was riding with his friends THE FOUR HORSEMEN and stopped at a bar where they drank WHISKEY IN THE JAR.
He told them that his girlfriend TUESDAY’S GONE with the wind, only to be answered by PRINCE CHARMING: “SO FvK!N WHAT?!”
He replied back: “But… I was her LOVERMAN! And still, WHEREVER I MAY ROAM, THE MEMORY REMAINS. Don't you understand that THE UNNAMED FEELING still lingers in my heart?”
My MAMA SAID: “Oh my poor little boy, you need to PURIFY your broken heart. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS now. You need to SEEK & DESTROY her. Just go find her and pour some FUEL all over her body and then ask her to JUMP IN THE FIRE, while you’re chanting: DIE, DIE MY DARLING! and performing the DEVIL’S DANCE”
And so while doing that, people passing by were asking me: “FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS?”
KING NOTHING said, with a sigh of relief: “Well at least AIN’T MY BITCH! I, by the way, am the MASTER OF my PUPPETS! I call up my FIXXXER every night and whisper "CARPE DIEM BABY" with a sexy voice, and then we get all FRANTIC in bed.”
Finally, PHANTOM LORD cried out: “AM I EVIL? …AND has there really been JUSTICE FOR ALL?"
Suddenly, the LEPER MESSIAH randomly blurted out "NO! I haven’t been laid yet! He got up and said: “This is MY WORLD, go back to ORION, losers!!”
Prince calmly said: “MY FRIEND OF MISERY, I can see that you have attained the FRAYED ENDS OF SANITY. Please don't WASTE MY HATE, and especially DON’T TREAD ON ME, or else we shall be forced to WHIPLASH you. So you’d better contain THE STRUGGLE WITHIN you UNTIL IT SLEEPS, alright asshole?”
He replied back, more calmly this time: “You are right, Charming, I am HELPLESS, and so instead of being a HARVESTER OF SORROW, I shall ESCAPE from this place and RIDE THE LIGHTNING to the GREEN HELL, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.
So long, DISPOSABLE HEROES, remember me as THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE. My life will FADE TO BLACK as I DISAPPEAR into CREEPING DEATH.”
ST. ANGER finally opened his mouth once Messiah walked out and said: “That guy definitely is THE HERO OF THE DAY… Hey do you guys wanna go hang out at the SANITARIUM?”

jabbapopovvodka

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Re: Metallifun
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2012, 06:56:55 PM »
The problem I have with these stories is that I don't know enough about the groups or their albums; it seems like they're primarily name dropping. I liked the ground control to major tom one because it was such an isolated story; it gave a back story to the song without trying to blow your mind with david bowies entire ouvre.

poop87

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Re: Metallifun
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2012, 06:58:39 PM »
The problem I have with these stories is that I don't know enough about the groups or their albums; it seems like they're primarily name dropping. I liked the ground control to major tom one because it was such an isolated story; it gave a back story to the song without trying to blow your mind with david bowies entire ouvre.
Well, this one is meant to be humorous. Ground Control to Major Tom is sort of dramatic.

 

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