Postal III is a third-person shooter in which you… ehh… uhm…
Okay, I’m going to level with you – don’t buy Postal III. You’d regret it. Hell, you’d regret playing it for free. It’s a sometimes boring, other times frustrating, unfinished, borderline-broken mess, and we can’t do anything about it.
We worked with a big publisher to make Postal III, letting them develop and publish the game, while we worked on the design. It seemed to be going well, but because of the economy crashing especially hard in Russia, the game ended up getting moved to a smaller, less experienced team that didn’t have the skill or resources to make the game we designed. Corners were cut severely, dramatic changes to our design were made, and the game was put out in an unfinished pre-Alpha state. The game is simply unfinished, and it barely works half the time. The sad part is that the publisher still owns the game, and has refused to fix the game themselves, or let us access the source code so that we can fix it. As of yet, we are stuck with Postal III as it is.
You’re a responsible adult (we hope), so I’m sure you’re capable of making your own purchasing decisions. I just want you to consider all of the above, before you make the leap of regret into paying real hard-earned money for this title. We don’t own the game, we can’t support it and we don’t get anything from its sales, so if you decide to risk the purchase – you’re on your own.
Alright, so here’s all the marketing blurb from the back of the box:
Good or Insane? The choice is yours.
Following the Apocalyptic end to the Postal Dude’s week in Paradise, we follow him and his insane pitbull Champ as they emigrate to its appropriately named sister city, Catharsis. Unfortunately, due to the Global Economic Meltdown, psychotic left-wing “Green” extremism and hypocritical Government corruption, it turns out Catharsis isn’t a much better place to live.
What path will you choose when faced with the antics of a hypocritical scheming Mayor? A berserk cartoon mascot with Al Qaeda ties? A former Vice-President’s cadre of Eco-Zealots? How about Gay Segway “biker” gangs, and a sociopathic cult leader Uncle with nuclear ambitions? Will you give in to your base instincts and fight fire with gasoline? Or will you rise above it to become something more, to serve and protect your fellow citizens from the rampant insanity of our modern society?
POSTAL 3 Manual (English)
Running With Scissors makes a deal with Russian publisher Akella to develop POSTAL III. The deal is announced prematurely to coincide with announcement of the POSTAL film.
Randy Jones (original cowboy of the Village People), Ron Jeremy the #1 porn star in the world, and Playboy Playmate Jennifer Walcott are signed to be characters in POSTAL III.
POSTAL III development begins, marking the start of a very long and very troubled journey.
POSTAL III Released. It is critically slammed with a score of 24 on Metacritic. POSTAL fans are left feeling disappointed and confused as to what happened, and rightly so.
Postal III Credits
Published by Akella
VP OF DEVELOPMENT
VP OF PUBLISHING
Dr. Anton CHERNOV
HEAD OF LOCALIZATION
LOCALIZATION MANAGER & EDITOR
HEAD OF QA
PR AND MARKETING
PRINT AND PRODUCTION
Developed by Trashmasters
LEAD 3D ARTIST
2D ART DIRECTOR
Kinda Designed and Somewhat Produced by *cough* Running With Scissors *cough*
Lead Designer/Creative Director/Script Writer
RWS Producer/Audio Director
Multiplayer Designer (AHAHAHA!)
Corey Cruise – POSTAL Dude
Ron Jeremy – Mayor Raul Chomo, aka; Ron the pr0n shop guy/El Jefe De Narcotico/Gay Rodeo Pitboss
Randy Jones – Himself
Jennifer Wallcott – Herself
Mark Bego – Lieutenant Deuschebagge
Christian Wlach – Gay Biker, Ecotologist
CisianyOlivar – Mexican Female
Erin VanBebber – Old Female, Hockey Moms
Fernando Rivas – Hugo Chavez
Greg Blackman – Black Male
Jesse Estrada – Venezuelan Army
Jim Halstead – Uncle Dave
Joe Cerniglia – Old Male, Mexi Sushi Workers, Hobo, Larry The Krab, Uwe Boll, Male Scientist, Al Queda
Marcus Davis – White Male, Police, Swat, Krotchy
Marie Gaddy – White Female
Mike Jaret – Gay Interviewer, Gay Biker, Osama, Multiplayer Announcer (AHAHAHAHA!), Lloyd Kaufman, Dykes, Malaysian Slave Boy
Phil Murphy – Al Gore
Rick Berg – Gay Biker, Ecotologist
Roberto Mejia Montano – Mexican Male
Ryan McKenzie – Al Queda, Ecotologist
Sean Morgon – Inmates
Sharlysia Simone – Ecotologist, Black Female, Scientist
Stephanie Dupnik – Police
Tim Wambolt – Ecotologist
Vince Desi – Himself
Voice Acting Audio Engineers
Fernando Rivas @ OG7 Studios www.og7.net
Sam Guelzim @ Violet Sounds www.spifnoof.com
Abbot Miller @ AMP Studios www.ampstudiosaz.com
Postal 3 Theme written and performed by
K.A.O.S written and performed by
Abyss written and performed by
4.Lost, Left, All Alone by
A Fall to Break
Tracks Recorded @ Xenocide Digital Recordings by
Mixed and Mastered @ Xenocide Digital Recordings by
A Fall To Break
Copyrights Owned by
A Fall To Break
Didgerivoodoo by Stands With Fists, all music and lyrics written by
Stands With Fists
Soundtrack produced by DFAD/DF Music Organization Group
Producer & Composer
Dmitriy “MARQUIZE DIABOL” Myachin
Alexander “SPADY” Gavrilov
Sound Effects by ORANGE NOISE
MOTION CAPTURE ANIMATION by ACADEMY OF FANTASY
ADDITIONAL 3D GRAPHICS by WARGAMING INC. («Arise»)
ADDITIONAL SOUND EFFECTS by GAIJIN SOUNDS
November 3, 2011